Just a Little Something to Think About

When God said, “It is not good that man should be alone”, He knew that mankind would never be complete and fulfilled without a companion. But, could it be with that statement that He’s giving us a glimpse into His own psyche and makeup, too? What if that statement was an indication of His own heart and the possibility that God, Himself, doesn’t want to be alone…..and really wants companionship with us? If you think about it, it starts to make a little sense. I understand that God is all sufficient; I understand that everything is His; I understand that He always has the fellowship and companionship of the Spirit and the Son. I understand that if you have everything….there’s nothing left to ‘need’. I get all that.

But, what if one of the primary reasons He created man in the first place was to have someone who could be the object of His attention, someone who He could give of all that He has out of His treasury….which includes everything. Someone who could help Him facilitate all that needs to be done in His kingdom, …..which is still expanding by the way! Someone who He could put in charge of earthly affairs that would guarantee those things would be done exactly like He’d do them. Someone who could be His own intimate companion through the life the two of them would share together.

I think it’s highly possible!

 

A Match Made in Heaven

You’ve heard that term a hundred times. It’s just a cliche’, right?…….or is it? What if the Lord decided a long time ago who you were to spend the rest of your life with? What if He personally picked out the very perfect one for you; one that He knew would have everything you would need to be happy and fulfilled. It’s probably something you should consider, at the very least.

If you’d start to see your spouse as important to your own life and your own destiny as God does….it would change everything! We’re created with personality strengths and weaknesses….as is our spouse. You’ll often find that where you have a strength, your spouse will not be as strong in that area, and vice-versa. Your spouse has what you need, and together you make one strong unit in the Lord! 

When two people can sensibly come to this obvious conclusion they could be virtually unstoppable in the plan God has for their lives. There’ll be plenty of obstacles and challenges, no doubt. And you gotta know that the devil hates the unity and power that exists in this kind of relationship. So, he’s definitely going to put on the full court press. But together they can take on the world!

Your spouse is the perfect gift from God for you to share life with!

It really is a ‘match made in Heaven’!

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Unreasonable Expectations

Marriage is one of the great adventures,….and challenges in life, no question about it. It’s definitely worth the time, effort and investment. In counseling literally hundreds of couples throughout the years there’s several things that begin to surface that seem to be universal. By that I mean that there are certain things that nearly every couple encounters along the way. One of those things I call, “unreasonable expectations”.

You see, we’re created with an empty spot deep down in our spirit that nothing but the Lord, and relationship with Him, can fill. When we don’t know better we’ll expect our spouse to fill that need. That is an unreasonable expectation! You could be asking, or expecting, from your spouse something they can’t begin to fulfill. They love you, no doubt. But there’s still a place in you that they just can’t seem to satisfy.

I see this happen all the time and I’ve seen marriages end over this very thing. It’s tragic…but the good news is, it can be prevented….and even fixed. Engage in relationship with the Father; interact with Him. Allow Him to give you the validation you need….and give your spouse a, much needed, break!

Be reasonable! Don’t expect them to meet a need that only the Father, Himself, can meet!

You’ll both be happy you did!

 

 

 

Resources I’d Recommend

It makes sense to do something positive and assertive to strengthen our marriages. I’d suggest being proactive and search out different ways to enrich your marriage. There’s a number of things we could do:

• Go to a marriage retreat
• Initiate, or engage in a small group centered around marriage
• Take a marriage class at your church
• Subscribe to online sites focusing on marriage
• Subscribe to regular email helps on marriage
• Find an audio or video series on marriage
• Read a book on marriage

There are tons good materials out there to better your marriage. I’ve read a good number of them and I don’t think I’ve read a bad one yet. But, down through the years I’ve found myself recommending a few of them over and over. The books below are some of the best, in my opinion. Get one, or better yet, get ’em all and work your way through them with your spouse. You really can’t go wrong. Of course, best case scenario is to read, study and discuss together. Most, if not all these, also feature a workbook. My advice is that you go the extra mile and do both!

Love and Respect – Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

The Five Love Languages – Gary Chapman

Marriage on the Rock –  Jimmy Evans

Discover Your God Given Gifts – Don & Katie Fortune *(While this is not a marriage book, per se, it’s the best work I’ve seen in discovering your personality (motivational) gifts and will help you understand yourself….and your spouse better than anything I’ve read!)

My advice is that you get any of these….or better yet, get ’em all!

*If you have read some you’d recommend please let us know!

Be Intentional!

I think I’ve got quite a bit to offer when it comes to marriage. Julie and I have now been married 40 years. I’m not bragging; you could be the dumbest person in the world and still learn a little bit in that length of time. I’d have to admit that a lot of what I’ve learned is by doing it wrong the first time. Experience is a great teacher. It’ll slap you around quite a bit but you will eventually get smarter.

Enjoying quality time together in a marriage should be a non-negotiable issue….but for most it isn’t. Life is busy especially when you add kids to the equation. We had five so I know what I’m talking about. I hear quite a few couples talking about their ‘date night’. That’s a commendable goal. Get a babysitter, go out on the town, eat a bite, take in a movie or just something to spend some good time together. I recommend it!

If you’re waiting for the perfect time to get away, even for a night, it might not ever happen. Battle for it, and do it! The key to quality time together with your spouse is to be intentional about it.

Read them all:

The Good Thing About Marriage Problems

Make the Main Thing, The Main Thing!

 

Looking for a Mate? It’s Just Like Polar Bear Hunting!

I’m not much of a hunter and what little I know about polar bear hunting is a guarantee that I’m not going on one of those hunts anytime soon. I watched a Discovery Channel show devoted to polar bear hunting a while back and as it turns out….it’s pretty simple: You set up your camp……..and they find you!! NOT interested!

I’ve encountered a fair number of people along the way that are looking for a mate. I understand the reality of living alone and being by yourself. Life can be lonely. I haven’t had to do that but I can definitely sympathize with those who do. In some cases I’ve seen the heartbreak of a few that were looking ‘too hard’ and ended up with someone that wasn’t compatible with them at all….and, sadly, the marriage ended.

My advice, if you’re seriously looking for a mate, is to learn from the polar bear hunters; Set up camp! First off, quit looking so hard, get faithful to the Lord in every area of your life, get your focus on Him, figure out what you’re supposed to do with your life……and the mate you were looking for will find you! God will see to it!

The Good Thing About Marriage Problems

Sounds like an oxymoron doesn’t it?! You hardly ever hear ‘good’ and ‘problems’ in the same sentence. It’s hard for us to realize that any good can come from our problems. I have realized over the years as I’ve sat with countless couples going through the fire in their marriage that there really is something good about marriage problems.

First, these problems reveal areas of our marriage that need to be worked on. It’s a lifetime process to maintain a fulfilling marriage. It ain’t for the weak hearted! When we can begin to understand the issue(s) that lie at the root of the problem then we can start the task of repair and, …..hopefully, restoration. It hardly ever happens overnight.

Secondly, problems nearly always show us areas of our own lives that are not totally yielded to the Lord. That’s great information if you think about it. It’s kind of a ‘heads-up’, if you will, of where the Lord would like to do a little construction.

So, all in all, marriage problems can have a very positive effect if we’re serious about getting to the ‘heart’ of the issues.

Incomplete? You Don’t Have to Be!

There’s a great story in the first two chapters of the Bible. “In the beginning, God created the heavens and earth”. Darkness covered the face of the earth and God said, “Let there be light”, and there was! “God saw the light and said, ‘It is good'”. Six times in the first chapter of Genesis God ‘spoke’ something into being and every single time after it happened God, again said, “It is good”. At the end of chapter one God looked at all He had made and said, “It is very good”!

But in the second chapter we come to the first place where God says, “It is not good”. “It’s not good that man should be alone”. You know the story, God caused Adam to go into a deep sleep. He removed a rib from Adam, causing him to be ‘incomplete’. With that rib He fashioned Eve and presented her back to Adam. You gotta know that was some kind of experience for both Adam and Eve to, first, see one another!

God sovereignly puts two people together with corresponding strengths and weaknesses. What she’s strong in, he might be weaker….and vice-versa. But the two make one strong, complete unit, in the Lord. It’s important for you to know that your spouse has what you don’t have.  It’s going to be tough fulfilling your destiny without the one God has given you to do it with! There’s no sense being ‘incomplete’!

Let’s do this thing together!

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Write it Down!

Have you thought about writing down the things you are learning in your marriage? Might be a good idea. For starters, it might just come in handy with some of your own family or friends somewhere down the line. My experience through the years is that most couples (or individuals) are reluctant to go to counseling early on. Most are more likely to talk to their friends and pour out their problems that way. So, if I were you, I’d be ready to pass along some of the things you’ve learned when the opportunity might arise. *A little something to remember: When anyone begins to tell you their problems, what they’re really doing is asking for ‘help’! Now, I agree that some of the things we have learned don’t need to be written down. We can remember all we need to remember from the pain we endured and the scars we got on the journey. There’s not many things that’ll make you feel better than being able to help someone through the tough times with the wisdom you’ve gained when it was hard.

There’s really no sense in everyone having to learn some of these marriage ‘lessons’ the hard way. So, write it down….you never know when you might need it!